Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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