Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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