Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
