after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
