who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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