You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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