I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
