there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
