its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Drake has all the answers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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