my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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