he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We are two peas in an std pod
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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