Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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