yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
