peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize