Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
