I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
