She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
