Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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