She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
