I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
