she was so not down for the gang bang
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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