the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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