your thong is hanging out like whoa
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
