I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
