Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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