I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
