Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we're so committed to being not committed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
