I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
