i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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