why didn't you poke me back
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
