i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
