saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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