Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
