Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
