It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
