take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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