She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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