if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there was a trapeze. enough said
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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