Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
