I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize