how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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