Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
