She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
