Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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