fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
