There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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