cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
