the condom got lost in my hair
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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