I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
