I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
