I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize