God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
are you so shy because you have an std?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize