I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
