seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
