he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
