dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
