sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
