He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
