True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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