Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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