i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
