quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
