i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
