I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize