Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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