We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
