my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
