When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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