why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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