They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
