Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
