How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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