hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
