if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
