Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
