yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize