this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
