Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
