Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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