are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
