Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
