There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
