Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
