Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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