If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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