i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
