I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
