people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
50% drunk capacity currently
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
