I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I would fuck him just for his dog
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
