did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
