is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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