Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
