You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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