Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk is not a location!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
