Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
