i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
