I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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