Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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