the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
