He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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