Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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