i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So vagazzling was a success
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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