Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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