Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think people are normalizing furries
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
