There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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