I wish I could punch you in the face.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
