Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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