Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
