if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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