don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you traded sex for a burrito?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
