I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
