Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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