There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
