two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
