the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
