i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
