Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
