I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
