I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
