Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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