if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
