# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
These tits shall not be calmed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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